I am a Mama.

Well, it's been a while. Life is a funny thing. It's definitely crazy and I don't mean that in a bad way. You just get so wrapped up in the deadlines, daily dramas, etc, that I don't step back as much as I used to but now, more than ever, I think it is time.

Married life has been great. We love our home, friends, and family. Jason finished Grad School, my school and photography life has been good. Just "livin' the dream" as they say! Which leads me to "the other man in my life." No, I do not mean some Rico Suave. Unless, you are talking about my 3 pound, 6 ounce hunk of man waiting for his Mama to sit with him in the NICU....

I have wanted this my entire life. Since about the age of 5 when people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up and without hesitation I would say, "A Mommy." Babies do something magical to me that I just cannot describe. That is why I often grit my teeth (like my Dad does when he visits the baby) when I am around one. When you want something more than life and you may not be able to have it, it kind of paralyzes you. I am not getting into my back story with fertility. That part of my life is dead and for good reason but let's say, when it came to getting pregnant, I had concerns.

Meeting Jason, accelerated those concerns. Before him, I just wanted a baby. After him, I wanted one with HIM. Yeah, I know we sound obnoxiously adorable (trust me we are not- haha) but he's about as close to perfect for me as you can get. A few months before our Wedding, I went to a specialist to get this stuff sorted out, figure out my chances, and pray. I went through various tests, etc and I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. PCOS. In fact, my Dr. was floored I hadn't been diagnosed sooner! Basically, you have some female issues and getting pregnant can be very difficult. I was pretty upset but I felt good that I knew what we were dealing with. About 5 months after we were married, I started taking a drug to help me ovulate.

Talk about taking the spontaneity out of life! HAHA Each negative round felt like I was being nun chucked in the heart but I think it was preparing me for the feeling of true elation once I got that positive test. On round 3, I got my positive and no more waiting, worrying about surgeries, scheduling, and crying when "EVERYONE ELSE IS PREGNANT BUT ME" moments. It was the best moment of my life in that moment.

I woke up December 19, 2014 (the last day of school before Christmas Break), so defeated. I had been taking tests all week and they were all negative. I wanted to give Jason a wonderful birthday gift  a few days before that but the timing wasn't right. I couldn't contain myself and I literally got to work like a child needing severe ADD medication. It was crazy. After blood test confirmed, beta levels checked multiple times, and waiting for that 6 week ultrasound. I hear his little heart and mine burst. I finally grew up to be what I wanted, "A Mommy."

Weeks of wanting to burst later, me letting the cat out of the bag on Instagram because again, I am a child, and lots of excitement later. We were really pregnant and September 1, 2015 seemed like an eternity away.

I had a pretty uneventful pregnancy. Hadn't gained much weight, no real issues, felt decent, loved tomatoes and lemonade and pizza. I wore that bump with pride! Which sucks because I miss it like crazy now.

Things were uneventful until about 1/2 way when after routine visits, my Dr. diagnosed me with "Gestational hypertension" and it wasn't even that bad! I thought they were being silly about it, my blood pressure was normal and I had no other symptoms... geez people!

At my 29 week appointment we did a growth check ultrasound and he was right in the middle and looking good. No issues. 4 weeks later.....

The ball dropped.