Hello Everyone! I hope you all are staying dry in this crazy weather. I am laying in my bed and listening to rain. It's quiet, calm, and comfortable in my room. I am alone with my thoughts. Sometimes, that is a good thing, I guess? I realized I had not blogged in quite a long time so I threw this post together.
Not to say that I had not written posts the past 2 weeks or so... I deleted (at last count) 8. They just lacked sensibility. They were all a jumbled mess of randomness and then I thought to myself, "My brain has been that way a lot lately." Makes sense to me.
So, I decided while Christmas shopping today, to write about my true feelings about Christmas and why a girl who once LOVED (I mean Crazy Target Lady) this "Most Wonderful Time of the Year." Now, kind of.. okay.. dreads it.
Tomorrow, 9 years ago tomorrow I lost my best friend. My Grandmother who lived with me from age 5 to 21. She did everything for me and gave me the best advice. I am telling you in all honesty that there is not a day that goes by that I do not think about and miss her so much my stomach flips. She was strong, even though she was physically frail, she was kind, she was hilarious (I know, I am funny but she took the cake), and was my rock. If I ever had a problem, she was there to fix it or make the hard choices easier. December 10, 2003 was a blur and that is probably a very good thing. It was also Christmas time. With that said, we had every single holiday at my Parent's house. Now, it's just us and while that is wonderful, I miss that era of my life where we had so much fun, and woke up to find her with her cup of coffee and exhausted grin on her face as we tore through our gifts. I have some unresolved issues with some recent life changes and how she would have thought I handled certain things but I can only hope she is proud, shaking her head, and saying "Meredith Craig, you worry too much pretty girl."
I also get the "what ifs" really bad this time of year. I think whenever the year is about to end you take a reevalutative (yes, I created a word, Mr. Webster) stance about your life and I am sort of falling into that a little bit. I have had some down right shittastic Christmas' in my past. My personal favorite involves 25 mins in a church parking lot to exchange gifts. Then, returning said Tiffany Bracelet to find out it had been re-gifted. Winning. ;) Plus, running into your ex's baby momma at the Mall isn't too fun, either. (Yes, I said it. It actually happened and No, I did not do anything stupid.) ;)
Here's the deal. What's past is past. Gotta put it behind me and say "Done. On to bigger and better." I realize that a. My Grandma would be cursing my negative attitude under her breath or wanting to smack the taste out of my mouth. b. Is a combination of a. and the fact that WHO CARES? c. Live for today. I re-read this post and I hated it's tone. I mean, who am I kidding? If that is the worst things about the holidays I need to smack myself around and get it together. So, in the spirit of all that is Meredith. I made a list (For real. Instagram proof below) of what I
1.Shopping. I mean, really? I have an excuse to shop all day, any day, multiple days.
2. Sparkly clothes.
3. Real Christmas Trees. I like their smell.
4. Babies. I love babies about 6-9 months old at Christmas time. I think it's the fact they look like mini-Santas.
5. People's Christmas tree photo posts on FB. I like seeing the variety and traditions.
6. Old traditions (baby cokes in our family)
7. New traditions :)
8.
9. Thinking about when I have my own house what it will look like. Pottery Barn will not be able to keep it's stock up to date.
10. Baking
and who can forget Smiling! It's my favorite. :)
That wasn't so hard. So, I am going to be less of a Grinch as of 8:30 pm on 12-9-12. Hold me to it.
Have a good week. Teachers, Winter Break is 8 schools days away!!!!!!!!!
xoxo-mere
