Not Going Back...

Yes, even I get scared. I feel like I put out this tough and rough girl exterior to those around me so that they do not worry or think they have to help me through whatever it is I am struggling with in the moment. I feel like I have worked so hard (I cannot even put it into words) to just move forward. Two long years have felt more like ten in many ways. I am at a strange point in my life as the "transition" is coming to a head.

The "For Sale" sign is coming this week. Thank GOD! I cannot begin to tell you how extremely ready I am to be rid and I mean RID of that house. I am ready to close the chapter for good and really move on. As much as I am ready for this, I cannot lie and say it is a clean break. I have been thinking a lot about the "civility" that has been going on between myself and the "other party". I cannot even wrap my mind around it because... truth be told... I am still kinda pissed off. I don't like confrontation, I don't want to argue, fight, yell, but I never, ever, did. I never had that opportunity to just break down.

I feel like I do this a lot. I don't want to rock the boat. I just keep it in and you know what? Surprisingly.. *sigh* I just don't care. I am exhausted with it all. Emotionally exhausted. So, I just move forward. Every part of me is just ready to break away and collect what's left of my pride and credit and start over.. again. Yes, I am scared but judging on how well I have done so far, I am keeping the faith. ;)

I am just ready? You know? In every sense of the word. I am ready to reap the benefits of my hard work. I can feel it coming and I am welcoming it and not looking back. :)

This post is sponsored by disheveled and jumbled. Goodnight! 

xoxo-mere

High 5 for Friday!!

Hello there, kids. Before I head out for the evening, I thought I would give you my Top 5 for the week...

1. The "Cycles of the Moon" ap on my phone. It was a "Dear Lord Baby Jesus" kind of week with my little love muffin 4th graders.. Needless to say a Full Moon is upon us. Explains EVERYTHING!

2. "Power Clutch" by Essie. It's Fall. :)

3. Boots and leggins. Again, it's Fall.

4. My new hair. Thank you Kelsea!!!

5. The fact that all of my kids told me I looked like a Rockstar today. Winning! :)

Being a "Positive Penny"

pos·i·tive/ˈpäzətiv/

Adjective:	Consisting in or characterized by the presence or possession of features or qualities rather than their absence.
Noun:	A good, affirmative, or constructive quality or attribute: "translate your weakness into positives".
Synonyms:	certain - sure - absolute - affirmative The definition of positive is something that I have learned (more so recently) to engrain in my brain. In the past, I could let myself get bogged down in the negative aspects in what was going on in my life. I think I thought that I was striving for a better version of my life but instead of fixing it, I just continued to stay a schleprock. Until... I realized a few things in my old age. ;) 1. Success is very attractive. 2. I am enough. 3. If I can influence 1 or 23 children this school year, I have done my job. 4. I am enough. 5. Happiness makes you shine. Literally. Shine. 6. I am enough. 7. If it's broke, fix it. If it's not, leave it alone. (Thanks Momma) 8. I am enough. 9. At the end of the day, count my blessings. 10. I am enough. 11. Only surround or concern yourself with people who you build up and build you up in a beautiful way. 12. I am enough. With that said. I have found myself the past.. oh... say... 3 weeks, getting bogged down in other people's issues, stress, expectations for and of me, and attitudes. I started to feel inadequate, not enough, and run down. All of which are 3 charactaristics that do not encompass Meredith Craig Mooney. I am anything but a Negative Nelly. This sister is a Positive Penny (knocking 3 times for you Big Bang fans) Besides, Penny is hot. ;) How do you keep positive? What energizes you and makes you rise above it all? I would love to know. I hope you all are doing well. I start KTIP Cycle 1 tomorrow. As hard, stressful, and time consuming it is... I AM looking at the positives and will allow it to make me learn and grow into a better teacher. xoxo-mere

Not taking it home...

I have been teaching for 20 days. I find it slightly hilarious that I still get a strange feeling inside when I hear "Ms. Mooney." Even if it's 432 times a day (the average). I really feel like I am doing all the things that new Teachers do... You know, sit in my room for 10 or so minutes after the end of the day and wonder if you have ruined the children? Or compare myself to others and feel like a miserable failure. Yes, it is riveting. I am a stream of constant over-thinking but it is what we do in this Profession. We are thinkers, researchers, nurturers, and life long learners. It comes with the territory.

I have had some pretty intense conversations this week with some of my favorite people about the good, the bad, and the ugly in my life these days. I have so much to be excited about and thankful for and there is really only 1 or 2 areas in my life that need to be "dealt" with appropriately. The issue comes into play of when the hell am I going to take care of such items? I am working my behind off and between Teaching and Photos, life is passing me by at a rate I cannot even comprehend. My Dad told me something recently that made me think. He spoke about my tenaciousness and "never quit" attitude. He said he was just in awe of me and what I am doing in my life. It is nice to hear those things and not leave much for your Parents to worry about.. Until he said, "You need to start having more fun."

Fun? Fun is a relative term. I am a fun girl. Just ask my friends. Wait.. I haven't seen or hung out with a lot of my friends in a few weeks. The 13 hour work days followed by 3-4 hours of work at home are going to catch up to me so I set some boundaries this week. I decided to leave after the bell 2 whole days this week! :) (I may or may not have left at 7:30 tonight) but still... It's progress!! I am "not taking it home" any longer. I love my students like they were my own but at the end of the day, they go home, and now so will I, without a fight.

I feel a shift in me coming and I know I have spoke about this before but I really do have this feeling something is about to change. I can't put my finger on it but I think I am about to find some well deserved and long awaited security. It really couldn't come at a better time in my life as I start the process of going back out on my own.  Sitting at drinks with my lovely BFF, Jamie. I told her that it was funny how we were both blissfully happy in two completely different areas of our lives and how I almost wished we could gel my Professional blessings and her Personal into one superhumanamazeballslady. How.cool.would.that.be??

Okay, I am off to not think about school. Psh. Right. ;)

Have a wonderful day, week, whatever.

xoxo-mere

Random...

I have wrote, deleted, re-wrote, deleted, shut off my laptop, opened it, and wrote again. This is all I can come up with tonight.

 Random thoughts in my head...

1. I need to buy stock in 5 Hour Energy.
2. How do you say one thing to me and do the other?
3. I really need to finish the rest of these Science Plans.
4. I can't remember the last time I went on a long run...
5. I wonder if I should wear pants or a dress tomorrow to work?
6. Followed by... Should I curl or straighten my hair.
7. I need to get Claire her shots.
8. I am feeling lonely.
9. I miss certain people.
10. I need to get my eyebrows waxed.
11. I need to double check my weekend photo schedule.
12. I love the Senior Pics I am editing.
13. Am I ever going to know what I am doing in my love life?
14. Am I ever going to know what I am doing? Period.
15. I need to call my realtor.
16. I wonder if I should rent a house or apartment?
17. I think I said too much about my past...
18. I am trying.
19. How is it humanly possible to have this much gunk in my sinus'?
20. How does a Blind Woman win Masterchef?
21. Oh! I need to get my nails done.
22. I want to go to a pumpkin patch.
23. I need to buy crickets for the anoles...

That's all I got tonight. lol Does anyone else's mind do this? If so, how do you shut it off?

xoxo-Mere

High 5 for Friday! A day late...

Hello Love Muffins! I had a crazy day yesterday between work, trying to leave school before 5:00, and rushing to get ready for dinner plans... I got home last night and I was exhausted! Here's my Top 5 for the week in no particular order.  :)

1. Bare Essentials Solid Foundation. Dear Lord, Baby Jesus, this stuff is amazeballs. I love the coverage, a little goes a long way, and the girl who sold it to me was so sweet and a complete doll!

2. My Professional life is booming at a rate where I cannot keep up! I work with some great people and I have some nice support. Can't beat that!

3. Gummy Vitamins. Enough said. Especially Vitamin C. OMG! I just want to breathe again! :(

4. Finally getting caught up on photos just in time for my September Sessions. :) Love my Baby Sloane, too!

5. Embracing my inner "Fear Factor" in MANY ways this week. Crickets, Anoles, Earthworms, and boys. "Cray" as my students say. :)

I hope your weekend is fantastical! xoxo-Mere

Something funny happened when I turned 30....

I am sitting here at my computer cracking up. In every sense of the phrase. I.am.cracking.up. I am thinking about where to begin this post and my mind is like a 5 year old with ADD and an extreme case of "shiny ball syndrome." I am having a hard time narrowing it down. I wrote a few things, deleted them, started over, and now here I go...

I am a pretty "traditional" girl. I like for men to initiate moves, conversations, etc. I think the past two months I have really been evaluating what I want and if I am or was truly ready to be in a relationship. Let's face it, I was single for the first time at 28 years old. Dating was about as foreign as it comes. "I don't want to be clingy." "I don't want to ask too many personal questions." "I don't want to pressure him." Finally, I didn't want to project any past relationship phobias or issues on the poor soul who would be in the line of fire.  I had a list a mile long of things I didn't want to be in my pseudo relationships. It was SO negative. So, in the spirit of all that is Meredith, I made a new list. Thank YOU, Mr. Pinterest for this gem because it SO sums up what I am looking and waiting for in whomever gets saddled with the amusement park of fun that is Meredith Craig.

Yeah, yeah. It's a little "cupcakes and rainbows" and true love is anything BUT that vision. I have realized something sad but at the same time pretty damn exciting. I have yet to be in real love with someone. The kind of love that drives you crazy, they write songs and movies about, and makes you believe in something you just can't put your finger on. Yes, I have been in a 17 year old version of that or infatuation but not that deep and intense love. I also realized. I am ready. I am willing. I am capable and MOST importantly. I deserve it. Which leads me to 30...

Ladies and Gentlemen.. Sister got balls when she turned 30. I am branching out, not holding back, initiating it, embracing it, throwing it to the curb if it sucks, and not paying it any more mind if it's in the past. I am excited for the journey and taking you all along for the wild (Oh, this I am certain) ride. 

Happy Labor Day Lovers.

xoxo-Mere