I cannot believe it has been so long since I last wrote. I find writing entirely therapeutic and inspiring. My last blog focused a lot about a very transitional, emotional, and chaotic part of my life. I feel like I am in a new place and while I am in a transition, I feel like it is a fresh start in so many ways. I have "conquered the mountain" as my Dad would say and I feel like I am finally reaping the benefits of three years of struggle, sadness, grief, hard work, and near breaking. Let's say that I am ready to live my life. The one that I am creating, learning, and loving. I am not going to tell you that I am always "cupcakes and rainbows" but I am ready to finally say for once and for all "the worst time of my life is over." The past is the past and while I am still dealing with this past, it is in it's final stages. I often laugh in situations where I feel insecure or uncomfortable and that has been a lot lately in the moving forward process. It isn't easy but man... is it ever worth it!My friends and family often question me as to how I do not see this "inner strength" or whatever they want to call it... I say it is because I just come back swinging. Let me say that it isn't without moments of complete panic or self doubt but if I want something, I don't stop until I get it and it's near perfect. (Hear that boys?? ) lol
I graduate with my MAT in Elementary Education in about 60-ish hours. My heart is about to explode with excitement, celebration, pride, and amazement. I am going to be teaching in August and living on my own again (with Clairina of course!) Things just seem to be moving the way I had planned. This, at times, scares the crap out of me because you know what they say about God and plans.... lol It is all in how I think about things, right? Goodbye, Negative Nancy... Hello, Positive Penny. Penny is WAY hotter, by the way. So, I have been thinking a lot about the power of positive thinking and how my mind frame could use an attitude adjustment. I didn't lose 60 pounds doubting myself, I didn't leave a horrible marriage being passive, I didn't get through school (with a full time job and 4.0 GPA, thank you very much) being lazy, I haven't pushed myself to try new things and experiences by being scared. This blog sounds a bit pretentious so far and that is not what I am trying to convey. I am just ready to let go.
I am ready for the stress, excitement, learning, growth, frustration, exhilaration, pain (maybe?), and fun the next year or so has to offer me. Someone pretty important to me challenged me with this thought/question and I cannot get it out of my head. "Look at your life a year ago. It wasn't terrible but look at it now. Why can't you see how you have almost everything you have worked for?" At the moment, I sat dumbfounded. "Well.. I.. I mean.." Yeah, way to get your point across, Mere. I wasn't seeing it and while a week or so isn't going to completely make me "see the light" (Man, I am FULL of cliches tonight!) I can say that it has challenged me to think. So, in the spirit of all that is Meredith, I wrote a list of all the wonderful things that happened to me this year. Here is the top 10.
1. Graduated
2. Early Hire/Teaching Job
3. Fell in love... yeah it happened.. fell apart, to be continued.
4. Reconnected with AMAZING and I do mean, AMAZING friends.
5. Started a booming photography business.
6. Became a Friendauntie again. :)
7. Dated and stayed out all hours of the night like a Jezebel.
8. Road Tripped. Plan on doing that more.
9. Laughed with my family more times than I could count.
10. Had a fantastic Student Teaching Experience.
There are so many more things I could list and go on about so many more positive things. So, that's my goal. Focus on the positive. When I find the negative creeping in, I am sure you will hear about that too. Have a good night, peaches.
xoxo-meredith
