Love

*Disclaimer: It came to my attention that maybe someone(s) think my blog is attention seeking. I do not think my "problems" (feelings) are more important than anyone else's, I do not give advice unless it is sought, I do not care if you take my advice, I do not think I am some "amazing" person, I just write because it's therapeutic to me. So, with that said... Don't like it, don't read it, aaaaaand get over yourself. End rant. Let's talk about love!*

Happy Valentines Day! I hope you all had a day filled with love, kindness, and treating yourselves well! This has been a crazy, busy, fast/long week.

Of course, in true Valentine fashion, I am going to write about love (I imagine a harp playing every time I type it). Love, *cue harp* is the greatest and most misunderstood phenomenon in human existence.

Love, to me, comes in so many forms. I love my family. They are the reason I am where and who I am today. It sounds cliche but they taught me what unconditional love is and should be. My Parents have loved each other since they were kids, went through things that would break most people, and have given me everything above and beyond necessity. I hope I can be half, a quarter, (I have been teaching fractions) the parent they have and continue to be to me. My brother is the greatest guy. He is funny, sweet, adorable, and very giving. He loved me when I was at my worst and once things came back around, he was there, with open arms. I am so thankful for rebuilding those core relationships. To quote my father, "I am the only man who will unconditionally love you. You could do the most horrific things and I would still love you." That's pretty powerful stuff and no, I will not do terrible things... For now! ;)

My dog, Claire. She is a little "unstable" at times but man that crazy baby loves her Momma. Her 3 foot leaps off the ground when I come home, the way she lets me hold her like a baby, and her hatred for non-blonde, green eyed, 5'9, Teachers who moonlight as Photographers, is insane. Love that pup!

My friends. My God, it is a running joke how many good friends I have in my life but the truth is.. I have a few. I have a lot of acquaintances but true friends, they are rare gems. The thing I love about these girls is that they have all been through some crazy stuff in life and give me such perspective. Thank you all for picking me up when I need a pick-me-up, coming to me when you need an ear, and being an ear when you are juggling your babies and whiny hubby's/bfs. :) You all have taught me the love that two friends can have and that gets me through any crummy day or week.. month... year.. lol You get the drift.

I love my students. Yes, I do. They drive me absolutely cray cray (as they say) but they keep me going. A year ago, I would go to bed after Student Teaching dreaming about becoming a Teacher. I was over the moon when I got a placement and I am not going to lie, the first year for a Teacher is like a bad Sorority hazing. Like the ones you see on national tv and closes chapters. That. Bad. I can be cussed out, chairs thrown at me, have my students bomb a test and want..okay cry. Then, the funniest thing will happen and I will bust out laughing with them, they hug me every single day when they walk out the door, and one looked at me today and said "For real, Ms. Mooney, you're the best teacher I ever had. Even my Mom thinks so." Love x infinity. Solve that problem, kids.

Finally... I can't believe I (of all people) am going to type this.. put this out in the Universe.. Profess my love.. Jesus take the wheel.. This is so NOT me... but... Love *harp* hit me like a ton of bricks this year and I have got to say that I have typed this paragraph, deleted, and re-typed it. I cannot put into words the love that a good man can bring to your life. Jason makes me better, happier, and sillier. He calls me on my B.S., he is hilarious (which, come on, that's tough compared to me!), and he is just the mac to my cheese. I didn't think it was possible to find someone who likes the same things I do, thinks (most of the time) the same way I do, dislikes the same things I do (UK and Pot Roast), and just makes me feel safe. He rocks. I love *harp* him. End of mushy stuff.

I think sometimes, we need a Love *harp* reality check. I feel warm and fuzzy already after this post. I hated Valentines Day and I still think it gets to be a bit "much" but reflecting on the love in my life, that is a great way to spend this day.

I hope your day was filled with chocolate filled comas, flowers besides roses, and handmade cards.

Have a great week!

xoxo-mere

Que Sera Sera

Whatever will be, will be. I have realized that I have a lot of expectations for myself. That isn't necessarily a BAD thing per say, but it can make me feel like... dare I say it.. a failure. Oh God! I said it. lol I am a big fan of making lists and setting goals. Evrybody knows (for Jame) that. I am also an expert at putting my hands over my ears and closing my eyes and saying "this isn't happening!" I am in a strange place. I have made some final decisions that will rid me of the 1 thing that has been causing my life stress and lack of stability. Remember my New Years Resolutions? It impacts 2 of them BIG time.

I am about to say some things that I never.. ever.. put out there. They need to be said and never mentioned again. So, here we go. Emotional purge 4 years in the making. Ready? Set? Go.

For most of you who actually read this, you all have been on this crazy journey with me longer than 4 years. You saw me at my worst, unhappiest, unstablest (is that a word?), and you also saw me literally COMPLETELY START OVER. Rebuilding your life isn't easy and man, I wish someone would have warned me. lol

I am very proud of myself, do not get me wrong. I have maintained my health, went back to school, Teaching, Built a business, blah, blah, blah. BUT let's talk about what I really am rebuilding.... My self-worth. I cannot wrap my mind around the chaos and selflessness I lived in for so long. I wish so badly I could articulate it and I honestly cannot. My confidence has always been an issue, I am my worst critic, I beat myself up constantly, but I have gotten better. I am slowly starting to see that what I am doing is making a difference, trying to treat myself a little better each day, and although I have a long way to go, I am working at it, learning from stupid things that I say to and about myself, and loving myself a little more. I am so lucky. It scares me to think about what I would be today had I not gone through the storm. I say this all the time to people who email me, call me, send me private messages on Facebook about how to get through a rough time. YOU.JUST.DO.IT. There is so many things to look forward to in life. Just don't set expectations that you cannot follow through with, don't worry too far into the future, don't look back into the past too much, don't expect, just live.

It may sound so strange but I am not going to put too much pressure on "what's next?" I know that whatever is next, will be what should be. I have so much anxiousness about the next few weeks. What will it be like to finally be free? What will it be like to NEVER have to worry about certain things again? What will it be like to really start over? I mean, clean slate, done-zo! It makes me excited in all sorts of ways. I do know that I have the chance to start crossing things off my list and a huge weight (no pun intended) will be lifted and someonesssselses problem. I cannot wait to finally say and mean "the worst time of my life was..."

In other news, I am through Cycle 2 of KTIP! Praise the Lord and pass the biscuits! Speaking of biscuits, I am down 11 pounds with my "Biggest Loser" challenge at work. Only 4 more to be back at my lowest weight. Yes, sexy is on it's way back. I am also ready for Spring. Can I get an Amen for Mr. Groundhog?!

Have a good week.

xoxo-mere

FIMD. Foot in Mouth Disorder

I am the official sponsor for FIMD. Foot in Mouth Disorder. It effects those of us who are so stressed or anxious, we say really ridiculous things and then immediately regret what just came out of our mouth. It has a few symptoms.

1. Stress (either job, financial, weight, insecurity, or all of the above)
2. Sweating.. the small stuff.
3.Preoccupied by "what ifs"
4. Immediately making this face as soon as you realize you were lame by saying "that."

5. Followed by saying "Just forget it."

There is good news.. there are treatments.

1. Learn to let go.
2. Worry about things in your control.
3. Remember...

4. This too shall pass.

5. Surround yourself with unbelievable and amazing people and they will just point and laugh at you. 

That's all I have in my mind today and I will be cured.. someday.

xoxo-mere