Letting the dust settle

Have you ever seen the movie "Scarface"? Let's just say that after pretty much breaking a power sander on the walls of the kitchen we are remodeling. I had to step out for a minute and breathe. (Literally) I felt a little overwhelmed and like I was biting off more than I can chew. My cousin was with me and we ran to Lowe's together and we were in the car and she busts out laughing. I looked like Scarface with all the white powder all over my body, face, and nose. I guess all the "dust" needed to settle and when it did, it settled on me....

Which leads me to this post topic.... I am not a good communicator. I know, I know. Me? A blogger and talker? It's really true. I have drafted countless posts and deleted all of them because they just didn't make sense or they sounded so blaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I am not really sure what it is that is prompting this but I can explain it like this. I am not a fan of things being "up in the air." I like order, plans, and a schedule. I also like having a sense that I fit somewhere and that if something is wrong, I can and will fix it.

I haven't been so great at any of this the past few da..mon...years. It is the strangest thing to have everything you have EVER wanted within reach. I still pinch myself that THIS is my life now. I have so much to be thankful for and so much to look forward to. I try very hard to keep all that in perspective which is why I think I have a difficult time speaking my mind if there is something on it that is dragging me. I have this pit in my stomach that just keeps nagging me and I think I may have figured a small part of it out. I feel dishelveled. I have a home but it's not mine. The home that is in my name, is still in limbo, and we are getting closer to moving into OUR home. It's all right there but... it's all up in the air.

I need the dust to settle. I need to have everything fall from the air and hit the ground so I can clean it up, fix it, and have a clean slate. I am confident that this will pass. I need to be patient and positive. I need to also remember I have so many people (1 in particular) to help me and share all this craziness with. Although they may not understand my rantings and moodiness, they will listen and just accept it.

That's all. End rant.

I am having a ball picking out paint colors and pinning home decor ideas. Silver lining. ;)

Have a great week and enjoy this sunshine!!

xoxo-mere

Year 1 in the Books..

Holy Mother of all things Baby Jesus. I have arrived upon the last day of school as a 1st year Teacher. This time last year I was living it up in my "Last Summer of Freedom" before the "Real World" kicked back in and I was so excited, so anxious, SO ready. I literally remember walking in the First Day of School and I was so nervous I could feel my voice shaking. I remember just thinking "Oh my God, I am in charge of these kids.."

I have definitely had my share of ups and downs but I am a big believer in reflection. I always want to do, act, feel, and give better. I was a "Yes" girl for most of the school year. I would volunteer for anything, help out when it was needed, get to school at 7:30 and leave at 8:00. I was living and breathing my career. There is nothing wrong with passion and hard work. All of this changed as soon as I really started to get tired, burnt, frustrated, and wanting to spend more time with my love. ;)

I had to start drawing back. Come in late, stay late. Come in early, leave early, learn it's okay to say NO, and I had to let go that I was going to mess up. My kids drive me crazy. They do. Lord knows how many times I have text Jason, Jamie, and Charlotte with the word "drink?" and they knew it was "a day" (my general response for when people asked how my day was and it was 50 shades of cray).

I started out with 23 kids, lost 1, gained 3. Math experts, that is 25 kids. I sat down for a second today while they were working quietly (a rare moment) and snapped a pic. It hit me in that moment that when they grow up I will have been "their 4th grade teacher, Ms. Mooney". I hope they say nice things about me. lol

I hope they know that I will always be there for them, no matter what journey their life takes, if they make mistakes (lord knows I have made tons), and my heart and door is always open. These kids are so special to me. They were my first class. They got the good, the bad, and the ugly. We laughed until we were about to cry, we cried because we were frustrated and disappointed, and I am their biggest cheerleader.

I have been trying to be kinder to myself. I remind myself I am a good teacher because I show up everyday with a "fresh" start mentality. If there is one thing about me, I know a fresh start. I don't have children of my own but I have 25 kids. I would do anything for them.

I have met some really great people this year and my bond with others has grown my millions. Tonya, Milessa, Dehily, Liz, Annemarie, Abby, Malia, Leslie, and Ashley. You guys have been so wonderful to me and I value you and countless others that have picked me up when I wanted to quit, make me crack up, and compliment me in so many ways.

18 hours, 38 mins, and 20...19 seconds. Year one will be in the books. Holy.cow.

SUMMER!!!! I found you!

Have a wonderful week!

xoxo-mere