My conversations with the Drs about myself I honestly don't remember. I know that when you're put on a magnesium drip for over 30 hours, you're kind of in trouble. I felt like I had the flu. That's the best way to describe it. My breath was so hot it hurt.
I got wheeled into the operating room. I could barely breathe. I felt like I was about 6 years old and wanted to lose my mind. I just remember how heavy my legs felt and the sensation to move them was killing me. Moments that seemed like a flash went by.
Then I heard him cry and I thought my whole body was going to rise out of me. "look at all that hair." "He's so long!" All I wanted to hear is "Wow! Listen to him breathe!" or "He's so heavy I need help lifting him!"
I just wanted to see him! Come on, can I just touch him? Kiss him? Look him in the eye? Jason ran over while they looked him over and he wrapped his finger around his hand. He was over there for what seemed like an eternity. I just kept asking if he was okay but I don't think anyone could hear me. They wheeled him over to me in his isolette. I felt like I was in jail. In that moment, no other emotional or physical pain is ever felt in my entire life measured up. My heart was broken in and I fell in love in one swoop. 
3 pounds, 6 ounces. 17 inches long. I remember thinking that I'd once lost three pounds 6 ounces at Weight Watchers in one week.
I was told 1 hour after I would get to see him. 30 later, I got to. Let's just say, it's safe to not relive those 30 hours. I had to come of the magnesium before I could hold him.
Fast forward to this. 
The single greatest moment of my life to date. My Dad and Bro took Jason to eat and my Mom was with me. It was magical. That hat was just too much I couldn't take it. I got to hold my baby bird. 
I wish I could talk to myself 5 years ago. I would sit her down and say, "You're going to get everything you have ever wanted. You are going to have to work harder for it than you can imagine. You are going to fail, try again, cry, fight, laugh, get pissed a lot, but you're going to have it. And when you get it, it's going to be so amazing you won't even remember how you got there or your life before it." My best friend, Jill text me the other night and said, "I know it's crazy, but I can't imagine when Charlie wasn't yours." I think the same thing. 
3 comments:
Ahhh amazing! Congrats mama and he will be home before you know it!
I have to admit, it's hard to remember the struggle when you see that sweet face. Days are just a matter of minutes when you consider a lifetime. You will have him home soon snuggling with fur babies on each side soon.
I have to admit, it's hard to remember the struggle when you see that sweet face. Days are just a matter of minutes when you consider a lifetime. You will have him home soon snuggling with fur babies on each side soon.
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