Getting Good At Starting Over..

I really think I am the Queen of "Starting Over." I had 3 people contact me for advice on how to start over and get through a rough time. 3 people who I feel a strong sense of helping and I started thinking about how I actually did it and it comes down to this... I wasn't raised in a family where we wallow or allow ourselves to be victims, you put one foot down and keep walking, you make a goal and you nail it, you work hard, you fight hard, and you never let them see you sweat. Someone actually told me I should write a Self-Help Book. I have been thinking of titles but my creative juices have been spent on classroom decor and lessons recently. :)

All of this pondering was actually good for me because truth me told...This week sucked. There, I said it. I have spent the past 48ish hours really thinking about some of the things in my life I want to change and what I am doing to make these things happen. Seriously, the first step is admitting you have a problem, right? lol So.. I figured it out. I am a "fixer" and a "settler." Well, guess what Men of Louisville. This settler is moving on to greener pastures and leaving her tool belt at home. End rant.

So, there you have it. Quick and simple. I want it all and almost is just not good enough anymore. I want butterflies, sleepless nights (not from worrying), a man that messes up my lipstick and not my mascara, someone who wants to show me off, spend time with me, let me cook for them, wear their t-shirts to bed, be able to wear heels and not look like a giant, someone who is as fiercely loyal as I am, someone who bleeds red and not blue (sorry Jame, Jill, and Mel), loves dogs, kids, will listen to me gush about my students and my love for teaching, let me complain about photo clients and rave about their kids, travels with me, likes my family, will NOT smother me (that is the kiss of death with me), I want to feel comfortable speaking my mind, will watch Bravo with me (okay, that may be a bit overboard), I seriously could go on....

You know what is sad? I have yet to have that. In 30 years of life. I have never had that "head over heels" kind of romantic love. I worry.. Am I not lovable? Is there something about me that scares men away? Was 1 certain jack-wagon right and no one will put up with me long term? Maybe my non-existent balls are bigger than most guys in my dating demographic? I get cynical sometimes and wonder if that exists? *sigh* who knows? It's life right? It's all one big gamble. One thing I do know for sure is... I am ready to get in my classroom. Night loves!

XOXO-Mere

High 5 for Friday!

I feel like such a slacker on my bloggityness. I will always find time to list my "Top 5 Favorite Things" from the week. I am really trying to keep a positive mindset these days and stop to remember what I am thankful for each week. Here is this week's edition...

1. My new 4th grade Team at Rangeland. I have 2 wonderful Teachers who are so talented, enthusiastic, and innovative. We spent 3 days this week planning, deconstructing standards, and making Pinterest classroom ideas. See below. :)

2. Catching up with friends. I went classroom stocking and to dinner (kid free!) with Charlotte, I had a wild and fabulous night with my friend (and fellow Teacher) Emily, and I got to see Jill, Dan, and George this week to do photos. Which brings me to...

3. GEORGE ANDREW IMPELLIZZERI! His face just makes me giggle instantaneously. He is so handsome and such a ham. Love that baby.

4. Long runs outside. I got one in this week before the hazy, humid, nasty air swept through and forced me on the treadmill.

5. Rose gold. I am in love with it recently. Emily's friend Chris told me last night I was "ahead of the trends. Rose gold is all the rage in Miami." Woot woot. Go me!

Hi 5 for Friday!

Woke up this morning to let Claire out at 7:30 to see Good Morning America on the TV reporting about the Aurora, Colorado story. Makes me sick... I am just grateful for the wonderful things unfolding in my life. So, hug a loved one a little tighter, tell someone what you really want to say, and stop to smell the roses. Okay, I am getting off my soapbox now.

I am going to make an effort to blog more about 5 great things that went on in a week every Friday.

1. Babies. I photograph the sweetest, most precious babies. Case in point, below.

2. Target Dollar Spot has Teacher supplies. Oh yes, Sweet Baby Jesus!

3. Thankful dinner with a good friend who always sets me straight! Thanks Caty!
4. Thunderstorms. I forgot how much I loved the way they smell, feel, and look.

5. Colored jeans. Rocked my coral and mint ones this week. Super sexaaaay!

There's no one here to save...

I recently read about Nora Ephron's death this week and I was very sad. She was a dynamic woman who didn't seem to sweat the small stuff and was very powerful with her words. I pinned this little gem on Pinterest last night because I was feeling very, very, defeated.  I have been feeling stuck in this "transition" as everyone calls it for wayyyyy too long and sister needs some stability. Long story short. Exes suck, the end.

I got to thinking laying (tossing and turning) in bed last night. As the clock crept towards 2:30 am I realized something, "I control my life. I have done a pretty damn good job for 3ish years, so what the hell am I really worried about?" Okay, so my house situation is annoying, I am itching for school to start for that almighty paycheck and routine, and... I am allowing myself to really be vulnerable in a certain situation. All in all, there are aspects of my life to feel anxious or defeated (slightly) because they are out of my control but NONE of them are out of my reach in time and with hard work. 

A perfect testament to this is the above picture. I call it Project Ugh. I fell of the wagon of tracking my food and constancy in working out and eating well. I was drinking and partying (no harm, no foul) but it wasn't helping my skinny jeans. I got back on track and have lost a good amount of weight the past 2 weeks and I feel better about my body when I am living a healthy lifestyle. It made me think... The girl in the red toile dress was trapped in SO many ways. Trapped in a horrible marriage, dead end jobs, I didn't have my bachelors degree, and I was trapped in a body that I absolutely detested and often cried about having. THAT girl needed saving. The girl in the yellow dress is a hero. She got out of that bad and borderline abusive marriage, she just got her Masters degree in a field she LOVES, THAT girl is going to live her dream of being a teacher and started a fabulous photography business, THAT girl ate less and moved more (5K's and a 1/2 marathon, TYVM), THAT girl is pretty damn amazing and you know what? I need to appreciate her more for saving me. 

Have a good week love muffins.

xoxo-mere

"You get what you put out in the world, Mere"

Friends. They are at the core of who I am and I must say, I have some pretty amazing ones in my life. My role usually is therapist and I like that role because it suits me very well. The people in my life that know me and I mean truly know me have been in my my life for various lengths. Some over 10, 20 years. Others a year or two. I have this innate ability to mask the truth of my feelings. I can shut down anger, sadness, or anxiousness. Much, in large part, thanks to my past dealings. I am in such a transition right now and I want to free myself of the excuses of my past and how I dealt with things before by putting up a front or guard. It is getting to be exhausting. I fight myself constantly in the struggle to allow myself to think about positive outcomes in my life for the future. I just have this fear of being let down or worse... not allowed to have the opportunities that I desperately  (because Meredith Craig isn't desperate) REALLY want to experience. That is where good friends come in to the mix.

Last night, my BFFs Jamie and Melissa were talking and the conversation went from husbands, babies, sex, drinking, to me (naturally) and they had to pull out the crow bar to get me to tell them what was on my mind. I said "Nothing really?" and they called B.S. which, I think is their Mom Instincts taking over. lol Jamie really made me think about what I say to defend my feelings. I have this way of saying the opposite of what I think will happen. So, instead of "Yeah, when..." I say "It's probably not going to happen.." I don't do it to get a reaction from anyone, I do it so that if it doesn't happen I won't be hurt as badly. Then you have to think, "Will it really not hurt as much?"

So, in my quest to be more positive and happy, I am really going to be conscious of what I put out there in terms of my words. It will not be easy but I think in the end.. It will really be worth it.

In other news, I graduated on Saturday. I am a Master. :)

Have a great week loves. XOXO-Meredith

The Journey Continues....

I cannot believe it has been so long since I last wrote. I find writing entirely therapeutic and inspiring. My last blog focused a lot about a very transitional, emotional, and chaotic part of my life. I feel like I am in a  new place and while I am in a transition, I feel like it is a fresh start in so many ways. I have "conquered the mountain" as my Dad would say and I feel like I am finally reaping the benefits of three years of struggle, sadness, grief, hard work, and near breaking. Let's say that I am ready to live my life. The one that I am creating, learning, and loving. I am not going to tell you that I am always "cupcakes and rainbows" but I am ready to finally say for once and for all "the worst time of my life is over." The past is the past and while I am still dealing with this past, it is in it's final stages. I often laugh in situations where I feel insecure or uncomfortable and that has been a lot lately in the moving forward process. It isn't easy but man... is it ever worth it!My friends and family often question me as to how I do not see this "inner strength" or whatever they want to call it... I say it is because I just come back swinging. Let me say that it isn't without moments of complete panic or self doubt but if I want something, I don't stop until I get it and it's near perfect. (Hear that boys?? ) lol 

I graduate with my MAT in Elementary Education in about 60-ish hours. My heart is about to explode with excitement, celebration, pride, and amazement. I am going to be teaching in August and living on my own again (with Clairina of course!) Things just seem to be moving the way I had planned. This, at times, scares the crap out of me because you know what they say about God and plans.... lol It is all in how I think about things, right? Goodbye, Negative Nancy... Hello, Positive Penny. Penny is WAY hotter, by the way. So, I have been thinking a lot about the power of positive thinking and how my mind frame could use an attitude adjustment. I didn't lose 60 pounds doubting myself, I didn't leave a horrible marriage being passive, I didn't get through school (with a full time job and 4.0 GPA, thank you very much) being lazy, I haven't pushed myself to try new things and experiences by being scared. This blog sounds a bit pretentious so far and that is not what I am trying to convey. I am just ready to let go.

I am ready for the stress, excitement, learning, growth, frustration, exhilaration, pain (maybe?), and fun the next year or so has to offer me. Someone pretty important to me challenged me with this thought/question and I cannot get it out of my head. "Look at your life a year ago. It wasn't terrible but look at it now. Why can't you see how you have almost everything you have worked for?" At the moment, I sat dumbfounded. "Well.. I.. I mean.." Yeah, way to get your point across, Mere. I wasn't seeing it and while a week or so isn't going to completely make me "see the light" (Man, I am FULL of cliches tonight!) I can say that it has challenged me to think. So, in the spirit of all that is Meredith, I wrote a list of all the wonderful things that happened to me this year. Here is the top 10. 

1. Graduated

2. Early Hire/Teaching Job

3. Fell in love... yeah it happened.. fell apart, to be continued.

4. Reconnected with AMAZING and I do mean, AMAZING friends.

5. Started a booming photography business.

6. Became a Friendauntie again. :)

7. Dated and stayed out all hours of the night like a Jezebel.

8. Road Tripped. Plan on doing that more.

9. Laughed with my family more times than I could count.

10. Had a fantastic Student Teaching Experience.

There are so many more things I could list and go on about so many more positive things. So, that's my goal. Focus on the positive. When I find the negative creeping in, I am sure you will hear about that too. Have a good night, peaches.

xoxo-meredith