I have a 2 week old. When did THAT happen?

I tell him he can have a pony or power wheel everyday.....

2 weeks.  I know I say this ALL the time but it truly has been a blur. I hate it because I feel like I have been wishing this time away so I can get him home. Since I am "1 and done." It makes it even more bittersweet.

I finally have a routine down. I don't handle when things aren't on "schedule" very well. I come in between 9-10:30 and we chat, read a story, then kangaroo, then he eats. After that I meet with the Nurse Practioner or Doctor and report to Daddy if he's at work and family. After that, I go home and let dogs out, drop a load of laundry in, leave, come back for his 5:30 and 8:30 feedings, in between I grab some dinner, and if Jason's working, he gets up there right after and we weigh him, change him, I pump for the 8 time that day, and we go home.... Which is the worst feeling in the world. 

If you happen to look at your clock at it's 10 pm, I'm probably feeling sick to my stomach. Some days, it isn't so bad. Especially when he has Angie as his night shift Nurse. She's amazing and I don't think she will ever know what a source of comfort she's been. She's the one in the video of me holding him for the first time. She's a Mama and a very good Nurse. 

We have had a lot of firsts here... Things that I thought we would do at home but I smile anyway because this is what it is. He's got to get bigger, eat all his meals by mouth, and regulate his body temperature. They call white, immature, male, preemies, WIMPS. This guy doesn't appreciate that term and is proving them all wrong. He's eating by cues now so we watch him to see if he recognizes it's time to eat and he's being swaddled with clothes, which is one step closer to being out of his isolette. 

*WHO YOU CALLING A WINP?!?!*

He's really the sweetest and toughest boy I know. He's ready to be home with his family. He's his Daddy spit out and you know I love that and those dimples. It's the greatest love I've ever known and it's what makes my heart hurt. I still struggle with the guilt of it all. I'll get there some day. For now, we are working every minute to get out of here. Maybe then, I'll feel a little less guilt.